some thoughts on beauty:

a woman's beauty is never really external.

--my mama

***

if you're not chasing one fantasy, you're chasing another.  if it's not your body, it's your bank account, and if it's not your bank account, it's your resume or your nose or your boobs or your car or the perfect marriage or the perfect vacation or the perfect child.  for two decades, i believed that if i could just get this one thing under control, then the whole of my life would magically bloom like a perfect, lush flower.  but to my great dismay, i realized my life was still my life, and i was still myself, just in smaller pants.

...there is no magic number that can make you feel safe or protected or confident.

i became confident the cheap way, at first, by Zone-dieting myself down to a cuter butt and into smaller pants.  but after awhile, i found that the cheap stuff wasn't going to do it anymore, and i needed the real thing, the ever-elusive thing:

peace.

peace with the way i was made, with the self i was given, with the way life is unfolding around me, but more specifically, with the way it is unfolding in my arms and my legs and my mouth and my eyes.

{--shauna niequst; cold tangerines: carrying my own weight}

***

I find it easy to find beauty in many things.  The sun filtering through the leaves.  The dimples on my little girl.  The deep brown eyes of my boy.  The chubby knees of my baby boy.  The strong shoulders of my husband.

But in me?  I struggle.

And I wonder, why is this such a struggle for me?

As I contemplate that answer, I think that a lot of it has to do with who I have given authority in deciding what is beautiful in me.

{--daye by daye}